House Hunting

House hunting is a super tiring activity.

1/12 of rainbow adventure completed

Time passed super quick. I just realized that I have been in New York a month already. Going back to the reality, life became busy. I think I've done a lot within a month, which was good and unpredictable. Lucky me! Hope I could keep the momentum and have more chances to do what I should really do.

11/12 to go.

Hello New York

I have been in New York about a week, but I felt I was here much longer. Being in an unstable situation, I did whatever I could do to make myself grounded. I searched jobs for cash, jobs for dance; I had rehearsals and performance with Adrienne and Katie; I started to work at two restaurants; I got an opportunity for an audition. It was a lot and somehow I felt a little bit overwhelmed. But I'm thankful. Even though not everything that I was doing was what I really interested to do, at least, for some reason, everything I got was what I asked for. May be I was in a "country/dream" mode for so long, I always felt I was retarded when I came back to a city. I thought I needed some time to adjust, to let myself to catch back to the "city/reality" mode.

I miss the timelessness in Roanoke. However, I also excited for my new chapter in New York. Good luck to me!

Draftworks

Draftwork is done, well done. one check!!

There were two shows tonight, which means I had to perform two times. The first show was perfect, zero mistake, except I was super starving, but the outcome was fine. The second show? I fucked it up... howcome?! Missed the cues... pressed the wrong button... so many "surprise" in the show... Why did I just couldn't count the reversed music precisely?

Nevermind, at least I got one perfect show tonight!! And thank god I got my costume delivered right before the show, I think quite a lot people liked it. I was super lucky. So it wasn't too bad.

OK... draftworks is done... one check!! More challenge is coming...

怪夢連連

連續幾晚都在發怪夢，怪得很緊要。

（夢一）家庭成員有陳奕迅﹣話說我在懷疑其中一位家庭成員是同性戀的，而陳奕迅亦同時發現了一些蛛絲馬跡。正當陳奕迅很擔心地在想解決方法之際，我卻覺得沒甚麼大不了，有甚麼需要解決？只要他開心便可以了。這時陳奕迅很肉緊地說：「不可以！要是任他這樣的話，我們的家就會散的！」噢！陳奕迅先生，原來你是我家的一分子啊！


（夢二）劉德華萬歲﹣在一個類似工作的場合，但我不是在工作。劉德華問我和同學仔想吃甚麼。我跟同學仔二口同聲的說：「凍華田。」（說時是充滿喜悅的，就像大舅父帶我和弟弟去金華的日子。）然後劉德華就吩咐他的助手給我們去買。可是助手找不到金華，他去了別的餐廳。凍華田是買回來了，可是味道卻像凍啡走奶走糖，而杯子大得像一個十四寸闊的金魚缸。雖然是這樣，但劉德華仍不停地吩咐助手給我買吃的東西回來。夢醒時有點心有不甘，因為還有很多東西未吃完呢。劉德華，你真是大好人。


（夢三）無題﹣夢中，一位朋友仔突然去世了。但在無意之中發現我仍然可以跟她在msn交談，她還跟我提及剛給大學取録，主修Gender Study，可是現在死了，沒法子讀，太可惜了。然後場景一轉，我在翻閱自己的筆記，其中一頁是關於這位朋友仔的。這時，一位老師走過來，關上我的筆記。她在筆記簿的尾頁𠝹了一顆星星出來。煞後當筆記再給打開時，這筆記竟然變了朋友仔的筆記（很Harry Potter)，每頁都是她的照片。我一方面覺得很神奇，就像變魔術一樣，還著她教我；另一方面，我又覺得很心寒，我覺得老師在施邪術。於是我要求她把我的筆記變回原來的樣子。雖然示範了還原筆記的方法，但我仍覺得有很秘技，老師是沒有告訴我的。

點呀

昨天才覺得自己終於大步檻過，可以勇敢地放下一直不願失去的。誰知一個夢，又給我重溫了劇情最爛的那部分，剛放開的又湧著回來。醒來後仍覺得胸口被重重的壓著。能做的都盡力做了，算是盡了本分。能否走出夢魘，原來也不能由自己來控制。

這樣的惡夢，請不要給我再發，可以嗎？

Little deer, RIP

I have two questions.

1. If there is a poeple who is knocked down by a car, and the knees are broken. What would you do? To save him or to kill him?

2. If there is a deer who is knocked down by a car, and the knees are broken. What would you do? To save it or to kill it?

If people saw a man who was knocked down by a car and got injured, I think people would call 911, wait the cops arrive and send the patient to the hospital. So the answer would probably is "to save him." Right?

However, in this country, if poeple saw a dear which was knocked down by a car and get injured, people would also call 911 and wait for the cops arrive. Instead of save the deer, the cops would help the deer die sooner.

Howcome?

I think it should be respected no matter it is the life from a human or from a deer. However, why the human would be saved and the deer would be shot? Why the human has the right to kill other animals? Are we just choose a easier way for ourselves to survive, so that we can disregard the lives of other animals? May be I am just naive.

Sitting by the window and looking at the deer from the oppoisite side of the traffic from my house. I am sad. Little deer, I hope that we are helping you to get away from the pain sooner. I hope you sleep well. Rest in peace.

Mother! Happy Birthday to you!

Darkness

I sat in a bright bedroom, full of doubts, thoughts, questions and hesitations. I looked out of the window, there were infinity of darkness. The darkness outside the house was calling me, there were some reason I wanted to be in it. I put my cloths on and went out of the house, I hope there were completely dark. I looked around, the sign of the church was still bright, too bright, there weren't dark enough. I wanted to be in the dark at this moment. I felt safe and peaceful of being in the dark.

Speed travel

Time passed super fast. It is already the last day of March. I was like woke up from a big dream. I'm sitting on my bed in the reality and not knowing what I've done in the dream. I felt my life was being fast forwarded for 3 months.

I think the "fast forward" button was pressed in November 2009. I spent a lot of time to finish my research paper, from late-November to mid-January, though it was not that long if I compared with my classmates. It was painful, but I learned a lot from doing it. I know it was not a good paper, the research wasn't deep enough, hope I can get some feedback, so I can keep working on it later.

In January, I spent about 10 days in NYC, the main purpose was for Irene Dowd's workshop and Tommy's retreat. I hoped I could have time to take some hip hop class, however, I spent all my time at "home" to finished the research paper. Anyway, Thanks again for Sharon's parent to let me stay with them again, it was my home stay family in NYC.

I started my Europe trip in 18 January. The first country was Spain, I visited Madrid, Seville and Barcelona. I loved Seville, I liked it is small and has her own character. After Spain, I joined my classmate in Belgium, Brussels was our "home base" in this trip. We went back and forth between Brussels and other countries. Besides Brussels, we went Paris, Nancy, and Vienna. We had workshops with a lot of amazing people in Brussels; we had presented our work in Nancy and Vienna; we did some research and sight seeing in Paris; we visit a lot of exhibits and museums in those cities. We ended our trip with a Group soup party in Brussels.

I left the group and headed to London from Brussels. I was a super nice trip, I took 2 classes at The Place, it was just £4 per class, super cheap class for professionals, why there are no such thing in HK? I didn't visit a lot of places in London, but kind of visited most of the tourist places. Compared to the tourist spots, I was more amazed by the flea market and the vintage clothing stores. It was good enough to chill with Mi Mi and Ronny, we ate, we laughed, we talked and we shopped (this part mainly with Mi Mi... of course). 5 days are short to visit London, if you have friend live there. I went back to NYC in 10 March and flew back to Roanoke the day after.

When I thought it was time to ground myself when I was in Roanoke, another NYC trip was calling me. So, I spent another 10 days in NYC for my thesis's research. Thanks for my generous friends Mandy and Carlos who let me stay with them this time. I had a great time to do my research and hang out with them. Oh! I've also visited MOMA, I saw Marina Abramovis's exhibit. I had a great impact from her work, she really used her body to do "something."

Finally, I'm in Roanoke... again. The time to wake up. A lot of books to read; many research need to do... also, I really need to schedule a time to force myself to rehearse. Okay, let me work as hard as possible in the last few months of my last school day. Good luck to me!