smile

Doctor said smile could help.
Yes, no matter what, smile can help.
I'm smiling with you.
Add oil, mother!
Always love you.

life is

soft vs hard

my best friend's wedding

Flora & Kelvin, congratulations!!!!
I'm so excited for you guy's big day... I wish I could be there!
Sending all my best wishes from far far usa.
Happy life :D

proud of you

know you just got a design award, congratulations!...so proud of you....

i think i should work harder.

體能測驗﹣來回跑

回首貪一眼，回憶急速擴散．．．

記得中學時的體育課，每年也有一兩次我最討厭的體能測驗。其中一項叫來回跑。即是在一個特定的距離，由起點跑往終點再跑回起點，來回的跑數次，測試要用多少時間。

一通電話，一句再見，令我一直活在過去。兩年來，一直沉浸在回憶裡。時間的確可以帶我慢慢抽身，但記性也真好過頭了，只要有一丁點線索，便可以扯我回原點。於是心情又再跌落谷底，每次都要想辦法重整心情，使自己可以再站起來，背著原點一步一步的向前走。

環境改變了，理應心境也隨之改變，我卻覺得自己還跟從前一樣，固執得很。就以創作為例，想做的就是想說的，題才依舊，都是一些想跟你說的話。朋友仔說：「能跳真好。」的確，能跳真好，能跳就不用說。做了這麼多年人，到近年才發現自己是不太習慣用說話來表達，幸好還有點創作天份，「說」不出來的，還有其他方式表達。不過每次要開口跳出來的時候，也同時把自己扯回原點，把回憶像倒帶般來來回回的重播著。即使話說了，舞跳了，幕也謝過了，腦中的錄影帶還是播著．．．播著。跳舞前要warm-up，跳舞後也要cool-down。不過我想我需要cool-down的時間也比一般人長。

剛剛在上星期完成了一次單向的對話，心情仍在cool-donw中。想說及想對你說的實在太多了，但不知道還可以跳多少次，始終來回跑是需要氣力的。

密質質

最近很忙，時間好像過得特別快，要做想做的事情總是沒完沒了，排舞、做功課、玩陶瓷（其實都是功課）、做工．．．時間表都被編得「密質質」的。雖然忙，但忙得奢侈。

每日的做著．．．做著，本來沒有太多的時間去想其他的事情，但最近完成的CAP Project，卻令思想任性的往回走。一步一步的重拾自以為掉淡的回憶。我的軀殼一直努力的向前走，但思想卻留在過去徘徊著。

Happy birthday to me"

98019976... bye bye

It was my 852 mobile phone number, my first mobile phone number. I used it for ten years. However, I decided not to use it anymore, and just cut it.

I guessed you still remember this number, because you used to dial this number everyday. However you didn't do this anymore.

I struggled for a while that should I keep it? Since I think it might be the only connection between you and me. However, I know there will be more and more numbers that you want dial more than that, for what reason to keep it because of you?

98019976... bye bye... I hope I can really say bye bye to you.

Dancing body

Should I set movement to other bodies?

I started to make a dance. It's about the changing relationship of two people when the time passed.

I made some movement and taught it to my dancers. They were smart and picked up the steps really fast. They tried very hard to fulfill what I've told them. However, I still felt something wrong. When I watched them to "dance" my movement. I felt they were clay and I put them in a mould, they were not themselves. I couldn't feel the freedom of dancing in them. I wasn't sure if they were not familiar with the movement yet, or I didn't know how to coach.

On one hand, I wanted them to keep the movement quality that I imagined. On the other hand, I wanted them to be themselves and be free to change my movement. What I want seemed very contradictory.

From today's rehearsal, I started to think, what is dancers' role in a dance work? Is dancers just the tool to help choreographer to reveal the idea? How many freedom is allowed for dancer's own interpretation?

Dream

昨天晚上又夢見你。但夢中的你不是你，你先是一隻蜜蜂樣的飛蟻；然後變了一隻似玩具的真龜，還用你的龜殼打了個空翻；最後是一支黄色筆桿的鉛筆。無論是甚麼狀，我都知道這是你，你都在給我提示。

夢中又有大浪蓋過來。

A better world

龍應台在墨爾本的演講

Jo is sushi-holic

Since I got a bottle rice vinegar, I re-started to make sushi rolls. I haven't made this for a long time, at least 10 years. I was "Japanese fever", I loved everything from Japan, TV programme, magazine, graphic design, celebrities... and of course sushi.

My Japanese fever didn't keep a long time, may be there was less good Japanese TV programme, or just less Japanese celebrities that I liked, but the "love" of sushi didn't diminish and seemed getting serious. Even I couldn't afford to eat in Japanese restaurant in Roanoke, I would make sushi rolls at home.

Tonight, I made sushi roll with fake crab and cucumber for my dinner, so satisfied.

I can drive now

Got it... got it... got it... finally.
After 21 hours of practicing driving, and 2 road test, I got my driving license.
I really wanted to scream at the DMV, when I knew I got it, but everyone was so calm, and I had no friend beside my, so, I just screamed in my heart, so excited, so happy.

Too slow

No luck today...
Too slow was my problem...

My first bread

Katie gave me the recipe of zucchni bread, I wanted to make it for a long time. I was so excited, because I haven't made any bread before. It was a sweet bread, I liked the taste and texture a lot, though I think it tasted like cake more than bread. But if the taste was good, who cares what it is. This was my first trial, it seemed not bad, just a little bit too sweet for me.

One of the awesome mid-autume festival

Even I had no BBQ, no kareoke, no hot pot, no family, no a lot of HK buddies in mid-autumn festival, it was still a good one. I had a lot of good food, moon cake, paper lantern and laughing instead.

p.s. I hope I can have the doll collections.

Time x Hand

- forward and backward
- a waving hand
- a watch
- snap
- clap
- winkle

Clear Moon

I looked up to the sky and I saw the moon.
It was so bright and clear.
This is the end of September, the middle of Autumn.

The space inbetween my legs

I remembered when I was in APA, my teacher Rosalind Newman always reminded me to aware the space between my legs. Apparently, I didn't understand, I just realized that I had to use my inner thigh.

John Jasperes was the guest teacher of last week. He was ex-dancer of Trisha Brown. In his class, we used a lot of time to investigate how to "move". Instead of thinking to move our body parts, we tried to think the relationship between the bones of different body parts. Every move was led by the initiate by different bones. I liked he always reminded us to aware the spaces between bones. I felt more fluidity and spacious in my body when I was thinking the "space". Though, the "space" from John was different from the "space" from Rosalind, but there was an exercise made me understood the "space" from Rosalind. I wan in a pose of big launch, front leg bended and back leg stretched. I had to stretch my front leg and flat back until I could touch the floor. It was hard to hold the balance. When I struggled with the balance, I found that if I "used" the space between my inner thigh, it helped me to use my inner thigh, in order to help me balance.

As I said before, my reaction always retarded. A tip from Roaslind when I was degree 1, and I just understood last week. It's slow, but never too late.

The mushroom

This mushroom has grown in our bathroom, how come?...eew.

Blow-

There is a term called "blow-water" in Cantonese, which means casual dialogue, talking without any objective. I've been thinking a lot about communication, and I felt disable to "talk" with others, especially when I have to use the language that I'm not familiar with, so, I started to seek other form of communication. This video was something silly image that came up in my mind one day. Instead of "blowing water", we used blow-out to talk... haha, still "blowing" something... but may be more meaningful than we use language to talk.

Stepping forward slowly

花了兩年時間去學怎樣「放手」。過程很慢。當以為做到了，卻又發現原來自己在兜圈，行十步退五步．．．雖然慢，但我相信我在向前走。

Better motion of stop motion

I think this version is making more sense, if we really need to make a stop motion video from what we've done in class.
Yes, I love perfect.

Stop motion, but not in motion.

How can you called that stop motion, teacher?

Controlling the pedal

I was learning how to control the pedal for two different things in three days. But they both related to speed.

On wednesday, I re-started learning driving. I needed to use my right foot to control the pedal of the brake and the gas. It was not easy to keep the driving and stop smoothly.

Today, I started to learn wheel throwing ceramic. There were two types of machine. I'm short, so I needed to use the electronic one. It was smaller, the spinning speed of the turn table was also controlled by the pedal.

Timeless

After my first dance class in my life, I told myself: "It was super fun, I love it, I want to do more." Today, I told myself the same thing, after the wheel throwing ceramic class.

Though it was the first time to learn wheel throwing ceramic, the feeling was so familiar. Just like used the sewing machine, I needed to use my right foot and my hands at the same time.

Looked at the turn table spinning, looked at the clay transforming, I lost the sense of time. My mind was so quiet and peaceful. No other thoughts, but moulding the clay.

Time

時間一直走，一路向前，一直走。就算我趕不上，時間也一直走；就算我停下來，時間也繼續走。
時間一直向前走，我卻在某個過去的時空停了下來。被迫與時間一起前進的，只是我的軀殼，並不是我。
我身處現在，卻活在某個過去的時空。身心同時感受著現在與過去，用著現在的時間，同時面對著兩個時空所發生的時情。現在的時間有限，過去的卻越積越多。
時間一直走，永不回頭。我用著現在的時間，於過去的時空活了好一陣子，現在的我與我身處的時空越來越遠。我用著現在的間，從過去的時空大步大步的向著現在的我追趕著。時間一直向前走，我也要向前走。

My dear... it's time to say bye bye

一直都比較後知後覺，但近年才發現時間走得比我快。以56K的速度活在寬頻的世界裡，身心發展越來越不成正比。就像拿著成人身分證的小朋友，用著小朋友的智慧，硬著頭皮去消化大人的問題。每一件事情都發生得很快，到結束了好一陣子才懂得怎樣處理。過程雖然慢，但我需要這樣的時間去沉澱。
事隔兩年，不斷的問著為甚麼．．．為甚麼．．．為甚麼？用了兩年的時間想著．．．想著．．．想著。答案倒沒想出來，但明白了。不是我的，我不要。是時候說再見了。

object carries memories, i carried them with me, from hk to america, every single little thing is too heavy, i think, it's time to move on, it's time to say... bye bye.

Swimming in the waterfall

Happy Friday. Glad to do something in the nature.

I did it, though I really hated to swim in freezing cold water.

I was a great experience to overcome the fear.

I had hesitation to put myself in the cold water, however, I felt I would regret if I didn't swim to the waterfall.

The weather was good, just not warm enough for me to get into the swimming hole.

Puhket weather in Roanoke

I love Puhket, a very good place for chilling and relaxing. I went there for vacation before, it was few years ago.

I loved Puhket, because of the sunshine and the beach. There was never cold in fall and winter. However, it rained almost everyday when I went there last time. Though I said rained, but Mr Sun have never been lazy. He was sitting quietly in the sky almost every hour in the day time. On the contrary, Mr Black Cloud was very active, he liked running. It was his exercise time at around 3-4pm everyday. He ran through the sky with his brothers and sisters. They liked teasing Mr Sun by hiding him and crashing each other to make noise. They were so bad, they sometimes took picture whit flash camera when Mr Sun felt embarrass. I didn't like them. They were loud and super sweating, so annoying. Fortunately, they won't stay long, they usually took 15-30 minutes to pass though the sky. Then, Mr Sun would say "Hi" to me again.

Watching the weather in my room in Roanoke this week. I felt Mr Black Cloud came far away from Puhket to tease Mr Sun again.

Kitty, Happy Birtday!!

My first brownie

As a chocoholic, baking brownie was one of the most satisfying cooking experience. First of all, it was super simple - mix all ingredient in a bowl. Then pour it into the baking pan and baked it around 30 minutes. That's it. Moreover, when the brownie mix was being baked, the smell of chocolate was floating in the air. I could smell it everywhere in the kitchen. It was wonderful. However, American desert always too sweet for me.

The Science of Sleep

I watched "The Science of Sleep" last night. It was a lovely movie by Michel Gondry.

I loved his movies, always creative, dreamy and childish. I was so astonished by the way that he made the visual effect, many weird scenes were illusion from the way he filmed it, not CG. He really brought the dreams in the reality.

PS. Love all hand made props with fabric in the movie very much... bird, horse, telephone, type-writter...

Fantasy Generator

04 Aug 2009
*** Kate said create some little thing everyday, that's right, I should create some little thing everyday... after these two week.
*** First time to take a class about poetry, I found that it just like dance choreography, choreography of words.

05 Aug 2009
*** Took a hip pop class by He Jin, so much fun, felt like home, though I've never familiar with it~
*** Took a Cunningham class, super bore, but I learned airy joint, that helped a lot~
*** Pot luck party, so many parties in US, talking and social and dancing~
still super tired everyday~




06 Aug 2009
*** A long day, ballet> rehearsal with HeJin> go home for lunch+showing> Took Dfaye's class- Thinking choreographically> acting class> set up> technical rehearsal

*** The acting class was not as interesting as I expected, but somethings were worth to remember:
- You are holding your breath; you are holding your breast
- Your collar is not the same; your color is not the same
repeating sentance
- The big question mark that Felix drew above his head, so cute.

07 Aug 2009
*** A visual arts class by Michael, it was really inspiring...Do I need to be "pop" as a dance artist? It sounds cool though.

08 Aug 2009
*** Happy to work with HeJin, I liked the importance of discussion in the process of her work. That's right, it is so important to work with someone that the mind is "click" with me.
*** "Dream Factory" again... enjoy doing it!




09 Aug 2009
*** Pool party at Dfaye's house. What a dream house!! If I have a home like this, I won't go out anymore!

Borrow the happniess

已有好幾天沒有跟香港的朋友仔MSN了。

在Durham的家沒有WiFi，只好偷鄰居的，可惜我的電腦不爭氣，全屋只有我的電腦不能上網，唯有趁同學仔外出的時候借用她們的電腦。 就像今天，趁同學仔Kyungha不在的時候，我便用了她的電腦玩了一整個下午。

非常偶然地可以在MSN跟你聊一聊，已經覺得很不可思議。我是從來都沒有想過可以像今天，能夠跟你隔著電腦屏幕聊天。一談更是差不多兩小時，不得了。

花了差不多兩年的沉殿，我們才可以像今天般談天說地。是甚麼將我們之間的tension軟化？ 之前，你總刻意的躲著，是甚麼令你又再出現？是你所經歷的？或是你所說的物理理論？用了很多時間去想應該怎樣面對你，因為我真的不知道該怎樣轉換自己的角色，極有可能不是不知道，而是不想。本來想永遠消失，能躲多久就多久，不再與你聯絡，但每次下了決心，你又會突然出現，就是心軟，我還是抗拒不了。

很久沒有認真的快樂過，是否只你才可以令我這樣開懷。很愛你的熱血，愛看著你向著目標往前衝的樣子；愛聽你的人生大計，似是妙想天開，卻又很認真的樣子。很久沒有聽過你說無聊笑話了，你仍是那樣的無聊，不過我很喜歡，這令我很快樂。

很享受這借來的快樂．．．借來的，始終要還。

New Pattern

ADF在下星期四才開始，我們早來了十天。新環境，新規律。在家裡沒有internet，多了很多時間。也好，這樣可以迫自己專心看書了。

除了看書之外，跑步就是另一娛樂。每天起床後梳洗後，做點熱身，便拿著ipod去跑步。跑步時喜歡用suffle songs的功能，邊跑邊聽著，很多的驚喜。 能夠出一身汗的真好，汗水使我有活著的感覺。在campus跑一圈大概三十分鐘，隨後拉拉筋，再慢步回家吃早餐。

跑步、看書、再看書。餓了便吃，累了便睡，偶然散散步，拍拍照。要好好享受這十天的「優悠」，相信ADF開始之後又會是另一個規律了。

Yeah, ADF!!

I can’t stop to tell myself that I am lucky. Besides I got a huge scholarship to study aboard. And the places that I stayed were very nice.

Institute of Dance Department was the first place that I felt really nice. I still remember when I got there, my first impression was like “Wow, what a nice house!” and the room in the institute was bigger than mine in Hong Kong. After that I went to New York, and I could stay at Sharon’s parent house, I lived in their basement for 6 weeks with a very cheap rent. They were very nice to me, like I was their family member, I was really thankful. Then, I went to Europe with school. We’ve been in Nancy, Paris, Vienna and Brussels. All the hotels and apartments were good and convenient. After that, Kyungha and I stayed behind to go to Rotterdam and Amsterdam. Ivanhoe and Eagle were really generous to let us stayed with them. Ivanhoe shared his room to us. Eagle gave his room to us and he slept in the living room. And today, I moved from Roanoke to Durham for ADF. Lindsay found a houses to sublet. This house was near the East campus of Duke University (where ADF was) and could fit five of us, though Kyungha needed to share a room.

The house that we are staying is like “Wow, wow, wow!!” It is so big and beu-tiful, nice kitchen, nice bathroom, nice living room and nice bedroom, though Kyungha and I need to share a room, it is fine for me. Because I know many people still searching their place in ADF, besides paying the rent, I didn’t have to worry about anything about the housing stuff.

Hey Jo, what can you ask for more?

Lost

今天跟同學仔一起行山的時候跟她們失散了。雖則有點怕她們會擔心，但一個人的時候，又是難得的自在。她們走得比較快，加上偶然我會停下來拍照，所以為了趕上她們的步伐，很多時都要半跑的，沿途的風景都錯過了。雖跟她們失散，但我沒有迷路，我仍然知道終點在哪裡。可以用自己的步伐慢慢走，方能享受過程的一點一滴，雖然慢，但我滿足自在。

Backing

I practiced with Big Blue again. This was the second lesson of driving. Gina taught me how to operate the car going backward. It was usually used for in and out of the parking space. I didn't try the reverse parking yet, but the straight forward parking wasn't as simple as I imagined. I tried few times, but it was difficult to park properly in-between the the guide line. Sometimes I turned too soon, sometimes the angle of entering the parking space was not sharp enough. If the parking lot was full, I've already hit many car. However, It seemed getting better after Gina showed me how to do it.

Phoebe, Happy Birthday!!

Start driving with Big Blue

I got my Learner's Permit on Thursday, and I started to learn driving today.

Gina gave me my first lesson of driving a car. We did it in the campus of Hollins University, because there was no traffic light, and not many people. It was a good place to start with.

We started in the most remote parking lot. Gina explained to me how to start up her Big Blue. By following her instructions, I started driving. I held the brake and turned the key to wake up the car. After that, I switch the car from "Parking mode" to "Driving mode". I released the treadle bit by bit and the car started to move.

I drove in a very low speed, it was around 10 to 15MPH. After I got the sense of the speed and the brake, Gina encouraged me to make turns in the parking lot. It was quite hard to feel the distance between the wheels and the pavement at the beginning, because Big Blue is quite big. However I seemed getting better by practicing. Besides the parking lot, I drove a loop of the campus. There were many tasks that I could try in the loop. Speedup to go up to the hill, speed-down to get down to the hill, drove in curves when I was going up and down in the hill.

The first experience of driving was fun. I couldn't imagine that I could do it. And I was surprised that I felt calm when I was driving, though I was a bit nervous at the same time.
Thanks Gina.

1/4 done

離ADF不到一個月，共有四本書要在這之前完成，每本最少成吋厚，全文字，沒有圖畫。我花了個半月，似懂非懂的完成了最難的Critical Moves，哈哈哈！

不過還有三大本要在三星期內完成．．．繼續努力吧。

Got it~

哈哈哈！筆試僅僅合格，終於取得Learner's Permit，從今天起我可以開始學車了。謝謝Mama Diana的家長接送。

Sigh!

我最終都無法完成自己許下的誠諾。我沒有這份勇氣，我還是抗拒不了。

How are you?

Am I still a matter to you?

Do you remember there?

I remember everything.

Hair cut party

進入五月，所有今年夏天畢業的同學仔開始忙得很，除了忙於寫她們的論文之外，還有在ADF之前要讀完的一堆書，所以這些日子，大家都躲在自己的房裡，各忙各的。

但人總不能不玩的，所以今天晚上，我們就到了Gina家玩剪頭髮。Diana及Lindsay是模特兒，而Jennie、Gina和我負責操刀，Kyungha則全程因為眼部敏感，只好做觀眾。外國人天生鬈髮，加上輪廓分明，以我們的beauty sense，要給她們剪一個好的髮型，一點也不難。

開始之前，我們先了解模特兒的意願，再商量從何入手。Jennie、Gina和我真是一個很好的組合，其實主要剪的是她們，我偶然都會剪一下，不過大部分時時都是給art direction及document整個過程。跟Jennie和Gina一起剪頭髮真是很好玩，每剪一下我們都會互相稱讚對方的技術﹣ that's really nice．．．good job．．．that's a good idea．．．I agree with you﹣ 大家又會因為自己的技術及對美的觸覺而驕傲，很有趣，我相信被我們剪頭髮的人都一定覺得很富娛樂性。

Congee

生病時，想吃白粥；
傷心時，亦只想吃白粥。







今天晚上，我給自己煮了一碗粥。

Mother, happy Mother's Day, love you~

That's living

Waking up with no neck pain.
Having a warm milk in the breakfast.
Reading few pages of the book that I need to read.
Chatting with friends on MSN.
Checking my Facebook account.
Going back to the book.
Watching a Thai movie in my little PowerBook G4.
Making delicious cocktails.
Having barbecue at the back yard.
Talking with friends.
Playing cards.
That's living, how can I ask for more?

Happy to dance with you

My dear Lower Back,

Thank you for forgiving me, I am so happy to dance with you in the studio again! However, it is the last class of this semester today... anyway, I enjoyed to dance with you!!

Cheers,
Jo :D

Where is Jo?

Because of an email, I started to think about what existence is and where I am.

12 November 2008 was my first birthday after I left Hong Kong to America; I received an email from my ex-boyfriend, which was celebrating my birthday. I was happy, because he still remembered my birthday, there is still a “place” for me in his mind, however, after that, I felt strange because we have barely contacted each other since we split, even on our birthdays. I asked myself: “If I am still existing in his mind, why did he only celebrate my birthday after I left Hong Kong? Is now the right time for him to do that because I am in America and we do not exist in the same place?” From that moment, the curiosity of the relationship between “time”, “place” and “existence” started circling in my mind.

To exist does it mean I have to place my body in a physical place? And, how many forms of existence can I take? Once I take a form of existence, how long does it last? How can I notice my existence? How many “places” can I exist at the same time? Physically? Mentally? These questions remind me of two articles in the book Sensorium, which inspired me to make this project happen. One of the articles- Utopia Body by Michel Foucault- fascinated me by his description of how we can experience the existence of our body and soul, especially when he talks about the feeling of being touched by the one you love. We know we exist because sensing gives us the information that we have our body, which means our body exists. Therefore the simplest way for us to notice the self-existence is by touching ourselves or being touched, because we can feel it. However, what is the relationship between my body and “places” out of my body? How do I know where my body exists out of itself?

From Neuroexistentialism by Joseph Dumit I found that we notice our body existing out of itself because we gather the information from our sensing; by watching, listening, smelling, tasting and touching, we know we exist in the world, which means besides sensing our own body, we also need “something” out of our body to stimulate our sensorium to remind us for our existence, no matter if the “place” is physical or imaginative. If I didn’t receive the email from my ex-boyfriend on my birthday, I would never know my existence in his mind, therefore, I discovered that if I want to know whether I am existing in other person’s minds, I need their feedback. After leaving Hong Kong, I have been in 9 cities in 8 months- Roanoke, New York, Philadelphia, Nancy, Paris, Vienna, Belgium, Rotterdam and Amsterdam. During this period I existed in different places. I took photos of myself as documentary to prove where I physically existed, and kept posting these photos on Facebook, so my friends could see my photos from all over the world. I could prove I was existing by visually appearing in front of them through the computer. Their comments on the photos were feedback information that let me know I existed in their sensorium.

In this project, I selected 252 photos from my Facebook album when I was in different places physically. 252 is the number of days from when I left Hong Kong till 4 May 2009, which is now, today. I edited these photos with a short video that I shot one beautiful morning in America in winter. I want to see myself and show my existence in different places in the past 8 months through this piece.



Thanks Jennie for helping my English.

May

The first of May, a new month, a new start. It's time to start a new project.

May I

In the first day of May, one of my fired is wondering if she could go back to 6 years before. I hope she could find the way and let me know how. I would like to experience the days in the past one more time, I wish I was in May 2003.

Smell in Spring

In the last day of April, I smell the greenness of Spring.

Every plant seems waited for a long time, wait the time for them to grow, they can't wait anymore to show how beautiful they are, when the Spring has come. They grow super fast, I don't even know where do they come from. It is a bare grass land today, the flowers will show up in the next day.

Grass is the most subtle but the most desire to grow, I can tell from how often I see the gardener when they are cutting the grass. I like the smell of grass, especially when they are being cut.

In the last day of April, I smell the energy of Spring.

Frustrated by my carelessness

My dear Lower Back,

I'm sorry, I hurt you in the rehearsal today. I hope you are well. I know you are mad on me for my careless, I can feel it, you are not willing to let me move you anymore. I know you need to be stretch and warm up before I make you move. It was all my fault, I promise I will take a good care of you in the future, so, please forgive me. I still have so many thing want to do, I can't make it without you!

Hope can dance with you again in the near future!

Sincerely,
Jo ;P

Fill in the blank

今天跟朋友仔Skype了六個多小時，真是不得了，都不知是我陪她還是她陪我。

我想人都是希望能夠完完整整的，就像填充題，從小到大，不知完成了多少填充練習，學習將自己認為的正確答案填在空格內。空格以外的上文下理我們都知得一清二楚，只是如何尋找正確答案？當中又有多少空格可以有多過一個的正確答案呢？無論懂不懂，也想填些甚麼來把句子完成，就算是碰運氣也好，至少不會錯失得分的機會。

Life brings us lessons, one season at a time.

又看了一套電影，這次是Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter ... and Spring。

一套很禪的電影，很簡單，但使我明白了一點點。

一切順其自然吧。

Old Boy

Old Boy 觀後感

寬恕真是一件不容易的事，但不能原諒一個人也是很花氣力的。有人可以花一生的時間去計畫怎樣報仇，每天的生活就是監視仇人的一舉一動，計算著他應該得到怎樣的下場。仇報了，自己生存的目的沒有了。這樣好嗎？不是很累嗎？又有誰想自己的生命是這樣？

原諒別人等於放過自己，可以的話．．．不要太計較吧！

Steam chicken wing

I missed the taste of this dish for a long time, I finally got the ingredients to make it, though it is not really like the taste of my mom's cooking ... still yummy.

Mother, Happy Birthday!

Sound from my body

當雙手放在胸前，深深呼吸著的時候，彷彿感覺到雙手與心臟之間仍有一絲絲的痛。

Me mi me mi me

I took a voice class with Miguel today, it was unexpected interesting, and I had so much fun in it. I always don’t have confident with my voice, especially singing, but after this class, I felt like I can try. The class started with drawing, we drew what we think our voice like, and which part of the body will block our voice. Everyone’s drawing is interesting, each of us has different thought of our voice… of course, and those approaches to the drawings are so different in terms of drawing, it was an interesting sharing.

After that we tried how to find our voice from breathing to make a sound “ha”. We did it when we were lying down, we took a deep breath, and then we made a sound of “ha” at the end of exhale. From a single “ha” to double “ha” to five “ha”s, we learnt how to use the breath to support our voice when we project it! Then we tried to use our voice with different sound while we were standing. “m”, “n”, “ng”, “m+n”, “m+ng”, “hi-o”… The funniest sound was “mi”, we had to make it from the nose, it sounded like the character in cartoons, it was so difficult to concentrate in this exercise, because we needed to look at Miguel and talk to him with “mi”, he looked so cartoons and he was so serious at the same time, I had a hard time to stop myself laughing when I talked with him, but it was really fun.

We ended the workshop with singing, we went to the piano, and Miguel picked a note from the piano randomly, and made a song for us, the song was beautiful though we were just repeating the same phrase in different pitch… “Don’t you want me babe, don’t you want me woo-oo-o.” … The melody of this song resonated me in the rest of the day.

Such a beautiful sunny weekend.

Chicago in Hollins

晚上回學校看了Chicago，這是學校的production，演員的都是under-grad的同學仔，她們的演出比我想像中好，不過始終是學校show，加上要演這劇，她們的年紀還少，感覺上有欠說服力。看著這musical，不禁令我想起在香港的同學仔，心想換了在台上的是他們的話，應該會更有水準。即使在New York時看Broadway musical，我都認為我在香港的朋友仔絕對不比台上的遜色，他們絕對有能力站在那台上，所欠的就只是一個working visa吧！

60w120v

燈泡壞了，但拆不掉燈罩，試了三天，終於成功，但同時燈泡一併爆開，幸好只是手掌遭殃，沒有大礙。

拿著一個60w120v的破燈泡走了十五分鐘，到最近家的CVS配一個新的，可是那裡沒有我要的。於再走十五分鐘，走到再遠一點的Kroger才有我要的東西，然後又行了半小時回家。來來回回，換一個燈泡，共用了最少個半小時才完成。

Self discipline

從來不愛定時間表，只要是屬於我的自由時間，想做甚麼便做甚麼！星期初還為自己的努力而沾沾自喜，誰知星期尾卻懶得像條蛇，甚麼都不想做。今天更看了一整天的卡通，十多小時的看著．．．看著．．．想著，邊看邊想總不能這樣的浪費時間，應該做點甚麼吧。可是人天生就有這樣的惰性，應該做的不想做，不應該做的越想做，特別在這裡，上課時間雖不多，但放學後用來看書、做research的時間也不少，但很多時就是沒有這種自律，把時間都任性的放在做別的事情上，MSN、Facebook、看電視，更是一開始便沒完沒了。唉！

Why do we dance <1>

為甚麼要跳舞？ 為甚麼是跳舞？那些動作究竟有何意義？久不久我就會有這些疑問。我知道我不是技術型舞者，但我須要創作，我須要與別人溝通，但我不太喜歡用言語來表達自己，而舞蹈是我認為最簡單而直接的媒介，基本上我只需要自己的身體，以動作來表達便可。但．．．我在自打咀巴嗎？明明只要張開口說話便能溝通，幹嗎要大費周章去想動作，然後重覆又重覆的練習，才可將想表遧的展示於人前？

Free my soul

不知何解，今天的心情特別暢快，感覺上很輕鬆，一些困繞了自己很久的事情，突然間無所謂了，雖未至於完全let go，但我知道真是可以告一段落了。

Spring Roanoke

看見花兒開了，便知道春天到了。

Bloody Violent

我想每個人或多或少都有些暴力傾向，今天在Museum看了一個我認為視覺上很暴力installation。展場是一個全白色的大房間，剛進場便看到血淋淋的牆角， 看著一堆堆紅紅的、糊糊的東西，看似油漆又似內臟，很有想像空間。對著牆角的是一根大炮，每二十分鐘，工作人員便會將一枚紅色的蠟放進大炮然後射向牆角， 大炮發射的巨響加上血淋淋的視覺效果，滿足到不得了。

The little room

有時，預期得到的，沒有來；沒有計劃的，卻有意外收獲。 原以為可以在這次旅程中可以演出我那小小的solo，但因為溝通不足，我在Nancy才知道我沒有這機會，雖不甘心，不過也只可忍耐著，亦不想多提。慢慢地，要演出念頭也打消了。
今天是同學仔showing的第一天，開show之前才發現studio的後門是可以通往另一間小房，這房的空間及燈光，正是我的solo所需。於是便在完show後在這裡跳一次，目的不是為了演出，亦不需任何人的同意，純粹想感受這段舞跟這空間在這一刻的關係，因為明年今日，即使地方依舊，這段舞亦不會一樣。意想不到的是，跳完之後我覺得心情特別舒暢，這時候我才發現自己一直壓抑著不能演出的情緒。幸好這小小的房間出現了，我才有機會把這些負能量釋放出來。

Toilet Bowl

歐洲之旅這星期來到維也納，每天在studio朝十晚十的workshop，關於這地方，可以說的並不多，只知道這裡的水很好，可以多喝。另一發現是廁所，我喜歡它們的設計，不在於外觀，而是在於實用方面，在這裡上廁所從不會被反彈的廁所水沾濕，它的去水孔被置於廁盤的前端，所以掉下廁所的東西只會掉在廁壁上，而不是直接掉進水中， 很聰明。

Love Paris

上次到訪巴黎是在二零零二年，在德國shool tour之後和同學仔一起遊巴黎。當時覺得巴黎很髒，又多小偷，風景雖然很美，但印像不是太好。今次再到巴黎卻有了新的感覺，好型。人型、衣著型，不用多說，我最欣賞的是建築物，尤其是有關藝術的公共建設，空間感很強，再配合簡潔的graphics，型到不得了。而且感覺上它們的設計都是以用家的角度出發，置身當中，會令人想多留一會兒。我想，這可能是法國人特別懂得享受生活吧！

Home

在New York遊了個半月，終於三星期前回到Roanoke，不過過兩天又會到歐洲六個星期，能夠四處遊，經歷不同的生活，看不同的世界，真的很刺激，特別喜歡只拿著地圖到陌生的地方「尋寶」，原來世界真的很大，沒有看過、沒有試過、沒有感受過的事太多了，不過能夠生活得這麼精彩的同時，消耗的能量也不少。所以能夠回Roanoke的「家」，算是有個地方歇一歇，讓我可以充了電再出發。

我想，每個人都有想要回家的時候，這個「家」可以是一個地方、一件物件、或者是一個人。只要累了，候隨時都可以回到這個「家」，想做甚麼就做甚麼，想不做甚麼也可以甚麼都不做，讓自己可以完全自由的放鬆，但要回這個「家」對於我來說還有很遠的路呢。

Friday Showing

慶幸今天在Friday showing show了Hollow，因為很到的feedback很有用，起碼是值得一試的suggestion。（I can use the material that I had, then detach the movement from where does it from, and play with it.）過去的三個星期，一直想用在Roanoke的時間來re-make“Hollow”但一直不知可以從何入手，現知道了，很想可以快點試試，看看這些material可以變成甚麼樣。

Nice to see you again

再遇道明寺司真是一發不可收拾。第一次看花樣男子是在暑假時亞視播的卡通，很多年前了，當時對道明寺司沒有太大感覺，但就很喜歡這卡通。數年之後，台灣開拍真人版，雖然個人認為四位男主角不算很「花樣」，又不算很會演戲，但因為這 亦因為台灣真人版，發現了道明寺司的可愛， 記得當時也看了兩遍呢。

最近，韓國推出「韓版花樣男子」，本來就不喜歡韓劇，所以沒有太大興趣去看，不過偶然看見同學仔Kyungha在電腦收看，所以也一起看看吧。不過這一看，真是不得了。除了韓版之外，還找了日版來看，一連看了幾天不同版本的F4也不覺膩。幾乎除了排舞和睡覺之外，所有時間都是在看呢，都算瘋狂。

看著，想著， 韓版的幾位「帥哥」是較合理的「花樣」，看的時候比較有說服力 ；而日本版的「帥哥們」算是有點失望，道明寺司居然是亞卵的樣子，how come？不過看的時候又很有親切感，而且日本人計過度過也不會有錯，他演道明寺司也還演得蠻好的，所以也越看越順眼。

與其說喜歡這故事，不如說喜歡道明寺司言角色吧，不是因為喜歡看帥哥，而是喜歡他的坦白，想要甚麼、愛甚麼，都可以一一表達出來；有想做的事情就一股勁的去做；就算有扭扭擰擰的時候也可以一眼給看穿他在想甚麼，這樣直率的可愛，相信很難在自己身上找到了。

Hollow Re-make

性格使然，想突破自己也不是一件容易的事。以編舞為例，原本打算重編一段在離開香港之前編的小solo，很喜歡，但仍覺得有改良的空間，不過想來想去也不忍心刪改原有的，這也是我每次創作時遇到的難題，就是捨不得，沒有勇氣改變已有的。一方面在想，不嘗試改變，何來創新呢？但另一方面又想，原有的應該是最接近所想的，否則不會編了出來。

Sunset Later

農曆新年將至，意味著春天即將來臨。回到Roanoke，天氣仍然寒冷，不過相對之下，這裡已比在New York時暖一些了。除了溫度之外，另一驚喜發現是，日落的時間比之前晚了一點，之前天全黑的時間是五時左右，現在延至六時左右。哈哈，日長夜短的日子慢慢回來了，好快又可以和陽光玩遊戲哦。

I have to fly back

沒有順風車，仍能想照原定日期回Roanoke，於是被放鴿子之後，以極速搜尋「回家」的資料。結果顯示，火車票價和飛機票價居然差不多，以學生身份在www.studenuniverse.com買機票比買火車票還要平，雖然要轉機，但價錢較平宜，時間又短一半，機場比火車站距離宿舍又近一點，還用選擇嗎？只是這一飛，白白用多了USD$171，這不是少數目呢！

Garden of the Earthly Delight

It was a story about Adam & Eve, men & women, sex and relationship. This piece was not a form of story telling, but not that abstract. I liked the weird atmosphere, it reminded me the movie of “The City of Lost Children”, the feeling of mystery and strange.

I liked the “flying” part very much, and I thought it was the selling point of the piece. The performers were hung up in the air and they had to dance at the same time. When I saw it, I also wanted to try to dance in the air, it looked so fun. Besides, this piece was quite physically demanding, there were a lot of partnering and weight baring stuff, and they could do it very good and smooth. I liked the energy of the performers, they were strong. Also, the other thing I liked the performers, was in the middle part of the piece, each of them were in different character, and needed to dance with the character and I thought most of them were do it well.

Flat Tire

不幸的事總是接二連三的發生，先是回程被放鴿子事件，然後是爆輪胎。

話說我、Gina、Diana、Lindsay和Kyungha一行五人，在New Haven的Yale完成了Tommy’s Re-treat之後，由Gina駕駛她的Big Blue，載我們回New York。Big Blue開始行駛不到五分鐘，坐在司機旁的Lindsay感覺到她那的輪胎有點異樣，於是Gina便將駛往附近的油站停下來看過究竟。一看之下，前面右邊的輪胎穿了一個大洞。當時是星期六晚，要求救也不是容易，而我們只有一個小小的後備輪胎，要換這個嗎？能找到另一毎正常輪胎嗎？能靠它回New York嗎？於是Diana開始用她的iphone上網找救兵，而Gina打了幾個電話之後，決定自己上這個後備輪胎。當時應該只有零度以下，除了看著她及貢獻了我的手套之外（Kitty，你的手套報銷了，sorry，回來時會買新的給妳。），我們也幫不上甚麼大忙，於是我們只好輪流到油站的便利店取暖。

不知過了多久，Gina成功了，於是我們一行五人又返回Big Blue，以慢速回New York。原本兩個多小時的車程，現在起碼用多了一小時，幸好無驚無險的平安回到New York。

不過故事還未完，我在Brooklyn和Gina道別之後，我還要轉乘Subway和巴士才可回家。先是Subway調道，我要比往常坐多十幾個站，回到18 Avenue的時候已差不多凌晨一時了，在這溫度這時間等巴士，是可以變雪條的，於是又步行了二十分鐘回家。早上凌晨五時半出發，第二天的凌晨一時多才回到家，加上接二連三的突發事件，真是累透的一天啊！

Please don’t say “YES” too soon

NY之旅接近尾聲，最後一件大事應該是今天的Tommy’s Re-treat，而這後亦應該回程了本想在18號回程，可是順風車的司機說她想在NY多留一兩天，所以根據她的意願，我就定了19或者20號作為回程的日子，而這是到NY之前已經跟她再三約好的，亦因此我安排我在NY的行程至18號。

今天，應該是回程之前最後一次見到她，所以再一次向她確認回程的日期及會合的地點，誰知她跟我說她會在18號回去。What？18號？為甚麼然提早？而且我不問她，她也不打算跟我說，還說甚麼怕累，車程要分兩天，所以要提早回去，但是妳也不是第一次駕車往來Roanoke和NY吧？妳不是應該早就知道這狀況嗎？為甚麼突然才發現這問題？而且我買了18號的門票看演出啊！怎能突然提早回去？你18號回去了，我怎麼辦？我知道妳是沒有義務送我回Roanoke，但要是這麼不負責任的話就不要拍心口“SAY YES”，還說我可以坐火車回去，很容易的，到時再派人到火車站接我。甚麼？你還可信麼？而且車費從何來？這是大失預算啊！不過這也未算最嬲，最嬲的是之後還向我推介NY有多好，現在我可以不用急著回去。Come on！返屋企收皮啦！在NY不用吃、不用住嗎？妳給我付賬嗎？

Wicked

這次真的是又跳又唱又做的musical了，不過我想今晚的演出應該跟平常的不一樣，先是一出生便是全身綠色皮膚的主角Elphaba，今晚是由standby擔演，雖然都很好，但正選始終是正選嘛，總覺得還欠了些甚麼似的。另外今晚technical problem特別多，有些演員很懂得「執生」，但有些卻在「焗蟹」，雖然有欠professional，但我卻覺得很好笑。劇中的演員，我比較喜歡飾演Glinda的Alli Mauzey，她的角色是我最不喜歡的Barbie類，但她的演繹卻有點「癲癲哋」，平衡了Glinda那「千金小姐」的乞人憎。

Lottery Ticket of Wicked

第一次到Wicked，不知道lottery ticket的抽籤時間，白去了一趟；第二次及時趕到，但沒被抽中；今天再戰MOMA之後，順便再到附近的Wicked碰碰運氣。

不知為甚麼，今晚一同抽籤的人明顯比上次少，心想機會率應該大一點，所以在抽奬咭上寫上自己的名字後便乖乖的在等結果。大約十五分鐘後，負責抽籤的工作人員拿著十多張寫上不同名字的咭從大堂走出來， 他一個一個的宣報誰是幸運兒，我一個一個的留心職著，身邊一個一個的尖叫著，聽著．．．聽著．．．然後我的心震了下，接著“Ya“了一聲，哈哈，今次給抽中了。這次New York之旅應該不狂此行吧。

MOMA re-visit

Christmas的時候Abby送了MOMA+PS1的入場券給我作禮物，真窩心，上星期四去了PS1，今天則再戰MOMA。

PS1有四層，但每層面積不是很大，所以三、兩小時便可以完成，剛剛好，沒有滯的感覺。這兒的展品比較contemp，有Painting、Photography、Video和Installation，當中我比較喜歡可以interact的installation，而印像比較深刻的是Leandro Erlich的Swimming Pool，一個看上去可以讓人在水裡行走的游泳池，游泳建於兩層之間，從上層看進水裡可以看見遊人在池底行走；從下層往上望，就會看見在池邊觀看的人，很有趣。而Olafur Eliasson的Take Your Time亦是喜愛的作品之一，遊人一個個躺在地上，凝望著天花，看的是自己在大圓鏡上的倒映，掛在天花的大圓鏡緩緩的旋轉著，給予觀賞者從另一角度看自己及身虛的環境。另一個比Take Your Time更要take time的，是一個在三樓的房間，這房間是一個倒轉梯形，只有四排靠牆的長櫈，遊人就是半躺著的靠著牆坐著，走進去時，一陣冷空氣吹來，抬頭一看，天花給挖空了一個大正方，打通了室內外的空間。我也找了一個位置坐下，靠著牆看著這個在天花的洞，這大正方就像一個大畫框，框著天空上的雲，這幅畫的內容隨著雲的動向而慢慢改變，看著藍天白雲，心情也特別舒暢。離開的時候還在發白日夢，假如將來的家有這樣的天窗多好，白天看雲，晚上看星，最好可以對著海．．．只是，在香港怎會有這樣的樓，就算有，應該天文數字吧。

除了坐陣的名畫之外，MOMA久不久就會有不同artist的Exhibition，今次再到MOMA有新發現，Marlene Dumas的作品深深吸引了我。Marlene Dumas的以畫人為主，主題都圍繞著種族、女性、色情等，她的作品都帶著死亡的氣氛，但同時畫中的筆跡及用色給了我很自由的感覺，可惜不能拍照，只好save在腦袋吧。

Fake happy

不再屬於我的快樂，我不要，請不要讓我假快樂。

Where's my last ten seconds in 2008

背心、樽領Tee、天蠶衣、樽領冷衫、兩件huddies、羽絨、tight、登芯絨褲、兩對襪、水鞋、頸巾和冷帽，我身上就是穿了這麼多東西來迎接2009，這應該是我人生經歷中穿得最多的一次，亦是最寒冷的一天。

由於不知道我還會不會有機會再在New York過除夕，所以特別約了同學仔Kyungha到Time Square count down。晚上八時多我們已經在韓國餐館吃飽飽，再到Kyungha的住處放下隨身物品，準備我們的午夜倒數。

大約九時，我們便到了Time Square旁邊，在42nd street及6th Avenue的街角，雖然不是正對著count down tower的Broadway，但同樣看得見倒數波波及大螢幕，於是我們便決定在這街角等倒數。

三小時，如果是用作shopping，應該很快便過了，但在零度以下的室外站著呆等三小時，真是非一般的經歷。結果三十分鐘之後，我們的腳趾已經開始失去知覺，於是轉到附近的Wachovia暖一暖身。溫暖的一小時悄悄地過了，是時候回到街角視察一下人流，人堆是比之前多了一點，但仍有去找一找洗手間的空間，於是再回到街角時，距離午夜還有一小時多一點。天氣仍然很冷，我和Kyungha已經不懂說話了，只有身旁的人偶然報時的時候，我們才歡呼一下，四十五分鐘、半小時、二十分鐘、十分鐘、五分鐘．．.最後一分鐘，等了三小時，終於等到最後一分鐘了，我緊的看大螢幕，準備著最後十秒的倒數，可是等呀等，大螢幕仍是播著廣告，突然間倒數波波旁邊放起煙花來，而且越放越大，然後飄來滿天紙碎，噢！新一年來了，可是我等了一晚的十個數字還沒有數啊！